Complete dogs dinner of Pudsey

Undated Film Still Handout from Pudsey The Dog: The Movie. See PA Feature FILM Film Reviews. Picture credit should read: PA Photo/Vertigo Films. WARNING: This picture must only be used to accompany PA Feature FILM Film Reviews.
Undated Film Still Handout from Pudsey The Dog: The Movie. See PA Feature FILM Film Reviews. Picture credit should read: PA Photo/Vertigo Films. WARNING: This picture must only be used to accompany PA Feature FILM Film Reviews.

The sound of a pig repeatedly evacuating its bowels reverberates throughout Nick Moore’s ham-fisted attempt to transform Britain’s Got Talent’s performing pooch into a modern-day Lassie.

The porker’s muck is an apt critique for Paul Rose’s shambolic script that trades in toilet humour and misjudged innuendo.

Some of the performances also beggar belief including John Sessions as the pantomime villain.

He suffers a toe-curling flashback in which he plays a mother, father and infant in the same scene.

Hopefully, Sessions was paid well for this half-hearted attempt at career suicide.

Elsewhere, David Walliams delivers a lifeless vocal performance as the four-legged hero, who hopes to travel the world and visit the Empire Sausage Building and Sausage Henge. The film handily omits to mention that if Pudsey realises his dream of scampering along The Great Sausage Wall, he could potentially end up on a local menu.

Viewers of Simon Cowell’s talent search will be well versed in Pudsey’s ability to perform acrobatic feats with guidance from trainer Ashleigh Butler.

On the big screen, he dances and twirls on hind legs, casts the occasional mournful glance at the camera and appears to converse with farmyard co-stars.

Amidst the pratfalls and a lame running gag about a giant pie, there are faint glimmers of heart-warming emotion including a timely mention of the Women’s Land Army.

If ‘Pudsey The Dog: The Movie’ were an animal, we’d put it down humanely after 10 minutes.